What My Story?
What’s My Story?... A message from the creator herself
From the outside, everything seems fine but it wasn’t always this way. To put it simply, extreme self esteem and anxiety have come to accompany me throughout the years. Fortunately, however, I’ve always had a great family with my siblings and parents being active in my life. I had the privilege of their unconditional support and encouragement no matter where I went. If you couldn’t tell, the problem was never them. It was the outside world. From the beginning of my schooling years in preschool to my freshman year, the words “You are not enough.” became written across my forehead. I didn’t miss out on any abuse. Mental? Verbal? Physical? You name it, I’ve had it. You would think that after the pulling of hair, table kicking and constant reminders that I was ugly, I would have an epiphany and stand up for myself. I didn’t. Those words and actions were harsh. It hurt. No matter how much love and attention I had at home, it didn’t matter because everyone else seemed to hate me. I left that school and attended middle school elsewhere.
This school was a lot better until the bullying resumed. Growing up in a public school in New York can be really tough. The physical advances had dispersed but the verbal abuse stayed and increased. Ugliness, how fat I was, being unlikeable -- it was a constant cycle. It wasn’t until high school that I started feeling comfortable again. I told myself that I would change and not let anyone else determine my worth. That was up to me. However, high school made that hard when you’re in the age where love is consuming you and every guy just wants to use you for his own pleasure. Each guy I was with took a piece of me, from liars to cheaters and to those who just wanted to reap benefits from me. One thing that got me out of that rut was getting close to God. He was the best decision I ever made.
I started learning more about Jesus and putting my life in his hands. Becoming a Christian gave me hope and reminded me that no matter the outcome, God has a reason for it. Even when everything is falling apart, I can trust him in the fact that everything will improve. There are days when I lock up, wallowing in feelings of loss and worthlessness, consumed by feelings and shame. That’s not what matters, though. We can all get sad, but not all of us can get up. That’s why I remind myself that everything is going to be okay. As long as I do what I need to do, and I’m focusing on loving and nurturing myself the same way I do for others; I will become an even better person than I was yesterday, not just for myself but for the man above.I hope my story helps someone know that no matter what happens, you will get through it. Be confident in who you are and no matter what they tell you: YOU ARE ENOUGH. YOU ARE SPECIAL. YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING YOU PUT YOUR HEART INTO. The world is oversaturated with mean people and life is unfair, but no matter what, you have to accept the circumstances and know that your fate is in your hands. No matter what you have to get up and know that things are going to change. Nothing is forever and when it’s the right time, it will happen. GOOD LUCK ON YOUR JOURNEY!